1 Hour Impression: New Super Mario Bros. Wii

I was eager to play New Super Mario Bros. Wii, hoping for that classic 2D Mario nostalgia to make me smile.

At first glance, it achieved its goal:  the opening cutscene had me giggling, reciting aloud Peach's letter from Mario 64.

It goes something like:  "The cake is a lie!"

When the game began in earnest and I was placed on the map screen, I was at once reminded of Super Mario Bros. 3 and Super Mario World, both of which New Super Mario Bros. Wii takes its cue from.

I was excited and happy to begin a new spin on the old classic.

To keep the nostalgia going, I even made sure to use the classic control scheme, with the Wiimote turned sideways.

At the beginning of the first level, the blocks and first goomba are positioned to resemble the beginning of Super Mario Bros., and I smiled at that.

Then I died.  Twice.  On the first goomba.

Accomplishing this is a little tougher than on the NES.

The controls were so slippery I couldn't land squarely on the goomba's head.

My smile dropped from my lips.

Well, after that, I got used to the controls, but had the thought that if I ever went back to play Super Mario World, I'd have to regrok those controls again.

But I got used to it soon enough, and found some pleasant surprises with new features; specifically with ice flowers, which not only let me freeze enemies, but pick up their frozen bodies and throw them.  I also liked how ice blocks would float in water, which, while realistically accurate, is a mechanic I would never have expected.

Picking up a propeller mushroom was a whole different story.  I assumed that would be this game's replacement for a raccoon leaf or cape.  While it is (sort of), the mechanic has been changed from running to build up speed to fly, to simply shaking the Wiimote.

Without the propeller, shaking the Wiimote makes a twirling jump, which was a simple button press in Super Mario World.  Okay, I thought, they have fewer buttons to work with, and they want to push their motion controls, but it seemed to break the flow with the rest of the mechanics.

Similarly, tilting the controller to tilt platforms on gears also broke the flow, but seemed more in line with a cute gimmick that, while out of place, seemed more accessible and acceptable.  Shaking the controller every five seconds got irritating.

Especially when Mushroom People started popping up.

I liked the idea of having Mushroom People be trapped in the blocks and having to rescue them, but I think it was simply pulled off wrong.

I knew something was up from the get-go when the first Mushroom Man screamed for escape on the map screen.  It was nice that I got both a visual and aural clue to let me know that a Mushroom Man was in need of saving, but it was as cringe-worthy a sound as Baby Mario screaming in Yoshi's Island -- and it was Baby Mario's screaming that made me quit Yoshi's Island on the first level.

Once in the level, the whining wasn't so bad when you neared the proper block, and I knocked the Mushroom Guy out of the block quickly.

I then had to carry him to the exit.  And instead of picking him up like I picked up a Koopa shell or ice block by pressing the 1 Button, I had to pick him up over my head by holding the 1 Button and shaking the controller while I was near him.

Fortunately, he doesn't run far; unfortunately, he runs just far enough away to stop you from grabbing him half the time.

I also found it kind of funny on my part that I would occasionally glance at the controller as I shook it, as if I was playing with a Playstation controller for the first time and unsure where the Triangle button was.

After picking up the Mushroom Guy, I accidentally threw him, and he died.

This occurred about five thousand times, give or take a couple, before I finally was able to carry him to the exit without getting him killed.

I was looking for an appropriate picture to put here, and I found this instead.  You mean the Yoshi's Island annoyances come back?!

I dropped him multiple times, and since he was on my head, I actually had to shrink him and myself (by getting hit) to fit through certain cracks.

When I got to the near-end of the level, I just had to go through a pipe before reaching the flag, and I couldn't.  I knew from previous experience that I couldn't use pipes while carrying the Mushroom Guy, so I was infuriated that they would put the Mushroom Guy in a level that was unwinnable.

With no alternative, I tossed him aside and went through the pipe on my own.  And when I came out he was right there, waiting for me.

Well, that wasn't exactly intuitive.

I saved him in any case (barely), and decided to stop playing at that time.

I understand the desire to give the player a new reason to play an old level, but that was not a good one.

Toad has always been my favorite character (although now he is an entire race), but the sound he makes grates so much I get a headache.  The Nintendo 64 era did his voice perfectly, with Mario Kart 64's "I'm the best!" shout of joy after winning a match.  It was cute; this angry cry of "Help me!" was annoying.

Yes, Toad, you ARE the best.

Unfortunately, the map screen was the best part of the game.  It offered a match game Toad House similar to SMB3's N-Spade, a goomba which wandered the map like the SMB3 Hammer Bros., but with a cute SMW Switch Palace-style bonus game.

Also of note is the synchronization of visuals and sounds, with Koopas actually dancing to the beat of the music.  There were lots of cute touches like this, but it seems Nintendo spent its time making those touches and not on the core mechanics.

This isn't the first Mario game that disappointed me; but I think it disappointed me the most.  Yoshi's Island didn't even look pleasant, but New Super Mario Bros. Wii promised an experience (from the very title, no less) that it didn't deliver.

I never beat the first world; I played the game for an hour, assuming that it would suck me in as quickly and as easily as almost every other Mario game I'd ever played (especially the classics it emulates), but the slippery controls coupled with grating Mushroom Guys made me lose my patience.

Mario games set the standard in control on every console; they created ideal controls for both 2D and 3D platforming with Super Mario Bros., Super Mario World, and Mario 64, but somehow they dropped the all on this one.

I'll give New Super Mario Bros. Wii a second chance; it's Mario, so it deserves it.  I'm almost positive that I'll change my mind about it soon enough, and beat the whole game and be happy, but my first impression of it was not at all what I expected.